


for it's better to burn out than to fade out of sight

by the_one_that_fell



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arson, Developing Friendships, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Manga Spoilers, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Multi, Teenage Rebellion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24434539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_one_that_fell/pseuds/the_one_that_fell
Summary: In the end, it wasn’t sadness Yuki felt, when Tohru Honda had her memories erased.No, it was anger. And anger he could work with.
Relationships: Honda Tohru & Sohma Yuki, Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou, Kuragi Machi/Sohma Yuki, Manabe Kakeru & Sohma Yuki, Sohma Hatsuharu & Sohma Yuki, Sohma Kyou & Sohma Yuki
Comments: 68
Kudos: 131
Collections: RaeLynn's Epic Rec List





	1. i thought i found you, just to see you fading out into the night

**Author's Note:**

> Working title was: yuki fucking snaps and also learns how to make a friend in a normal way
> 
> Spoilers: really only volume 1 for this chapter but the whole series will get touched on so...beware
> 
> Ever since I read vol 1 like 15 years ago (oh god, am i old?), i’ve been so FUCKING curious to know what would’ve happened if akito hadn’t listened to shigure and sent hatori to erase tohru’s memories. and so, here we are. 
> 
> The timeline of this isn’t uhhhhhhhhhhh clear but I’d say this happens between Yuki introducing Tohru to the secret base and her meeting Kagura. A little later than when the issue of suppressing her memories is brought up in canon, but I wanted her relationship with the boys to be slightly more established beforehand, for added angst. 

_ Will you still be my friend?  _

* * *

In the end, it wasn’t sadness Yuki felt, nor grief, nor disbelief as Hatori slid his shoes off in their entryway with a muttered,  _ excuse me _ . He did not feel dread as the doctor bowed to Tohru as she came out of the kitchen, still wearing her apron. Yuki didn’t even feel the cold trickle of fear when Hatori said, in his callous monotone,  _ I’m here on Akito’s orders. _

Numbness burned the tips of Yuki’s fingers as Kyo hurled insults at Hatori, at Shigure, at anyone and everyone. An unpleasant warmth bubbled against the skin of Yuki’s neck as Shigure impassively asked if Hatori was mistaken. 

_ I’m sorry _ , Hatori said in lieu of an answer. He did not meet Shigure’s gaze, nor Yuki’s. He looked instead at Tohru. 

_ I understand _ , she had replied, smiling bright as the sun, even as she cried.  _ I understand _ . 

She didn’t understand, in Yuki’s opinion. This wasn’t about keeping a secret; it was about punishing  _ him _ . 

Kyo was gone before Tohru even sat down across from Hatori. Yuki wished for that sort of freedom when his legs felt shackled to the floor. To run from this latest tragedy would be bliss.

_ Does it hurt? _ Tohru asked, hands clasped tightly together on her lap. 

_ No _ , Hatori said. 

_ Not you _ , Yuki thought.  _ This won’t hurt you. Not in a way you’ll know. _

She nodded, wiping at her damp cheeks as she met Yuki’s gaze.  _ Thank you _ , she whispered.  _ For everything. _

Yuki didn’t cry as Hatori touched the side of Tohru’s head. He didn’t scream as she slumped over, eyes rolling back. He didn’t say anything at all as she looked up at Hatori, unseeing. 

Were he that stupid cat, he might’ve raged, might’ve broken down doors or throttled Hatori for daring to take away his friend  _ again _ . But Yuki bit his tongue as the good doctor left and stood still when Shigure led Tohru back to that damned tent, all alone in the woods. She would wake up in the morning and remember nothing of her time in this house. To her, Yuki would be a distant classmate, another face in the sea of students who made up the background noise of her life. 

No, it wasn’t sadness Yuki felt.

It was anger. 

Yuki knew grief well, knew how it frosted over his heart and froze his limbs. But anger was something new to him in this world outside the walls of the Sohma compound. He’d watched as it burned Kyo from the inside out, had felt its flaming tendrils lapping within his chest when Shigure was cruel or the cat needled him into a fight. But now, as he stood alone in the first place he’d ever considered home, rage sparked like stoked coals in the pit of his stomach. 

Sadness was debilitating, but anger? Anger he could work with. 

The night outside grew dark, but Yuki’s path forward seemed clearer than ever.

* * *

_ There is one thing...please... _

* * *

Yuki didn’t mean to be in the classroom when Tohru’s friends confronted her, but in his defense, he hadn’t thought they’d have this conversation at  _ school _ . 

He was doodling aimlessly in the margins of his notebook, letting the morning chatter of his classmates down out the messy thoughts in his head. The two girls—Uotani and Hanajima—jumped up the moment Tohru walked into class, Uotani brandishing a crumpled piece of paper at her as she waved in greeting. 

“Is this true?!” Uotani shouted. Behind her, Hanajima stood expressionless. “Did your gramps kick you out? I’ll  _ kill him _ !” 

“W-what?” Tohru paled and read the paper Uotani shoved in her face. “I-Yes! I mean, no! I- I didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you, I just didn’t want to worry you-”

“Of  _ course _ we’d worry-”

“-a-a-and Grandpa didn’t kick me out, his house is being renovated! And he asked if I could stay somewhere else-”

“-a  _ tent in the woods, do you know how dangerous _ -”

“-and Hana’s family is so big and you always say your place is too small for you and your dad-”

“-friends  _ help _ each other, Tohru!” Uotani slammed her hand against an empty desk, causing Tohru to jump in surprise. “You aren’t a burden!” 

Tears filled Tohru’s eyes, and she looked down at her feet. Hanajima stepped forward, having remained silent this whole time, and placed a hand on Tohru’s shoulder. “You’re going to come stay with me, okay? Mother and Father were very worried when I told them you didn’t have a place to live.” 

Tohru was crying in full now, face buried in her hands. Uotani was sobbing, too, and she pulled Tohru into a tight hug, Hanajima wrapped her arms around both of them and stood patiently, eyes closed, and the other two apologized to each other in shaky hysterics. Yuki averted his eyes, wondering if he should have chosen a better time to slip that anonymous note into Uotani’s locker. 

Perhaps this was for the best. Tohru would live with Hanajima’s family, then return to her family, and she’d live a normal life away from the Sohma curse and all that came with it. She would be safe; Akito would never be able to touch her on the outside. 

But…

But Yuki was selfish, selfish and angry and greedy for more than watching Tohru smile from across a classroom. For once, he’d let someone near his heart, and she hadn’t run away. She’d fixed his crooked tie and protected his secret base and asked a dirty, unnatural  _ rat _ to be her friend. Tohru deserved better than someone like him, but Yuki would be  _ damned _ if he let her go without a fight. 

He glanced at Kyo’s empty seat; the idiot had skipped class every day since Tohru had left. Yuki didn’t care what the stupid cat did with his time, but he felt a twinge of something akin to sympathy anyway. If anyone’s anger could match Yuki’s own, it was Kyo’s. The cat was born into injustice and fed nothing but pain and fear. 

Yuki would rather cut his own tongue out than ever admit it out loud, but perhaps this was something they could ally against. Perhaps…

Mayu-sensei’s arrival broke Yuki from his thoughts, and he quickly shook them away. The cat was no use to him, now or ever. It was foolish to dream. 

* * *

_ If my memories are erased... _

* * *

_ “ _ You can stay at Kaibara, _ ” _ Hatori had told him over the phone, the night Tohru left. “But you cannot talk to Tohru Honda. If you or Kyo talk to her, you’ll both be transferred. My method is powerful, but not foolproof, and talking to her could spark something.” There was a pause, then, “This is what is best for everyone, no matter Shigure thinks.”

None of this was surprising, but Hatori’s cold tone was gasoline tossed on the fire of Yuki’s rage. Yuki had clenched his jaw, but did not shout when he asked, “Do you remember, when you erased the memories of my friends, when I was young? Do you remember how much I cried?”

There was a pause, then a sigh, and a soft, “Yes.” 

“And Akito laughed,” Yuki had continued. “Akito laughed until  _ he  _ cried.”

“I’m sorry.” And Yuki believed Hatori felt remorse. He knew not a soul among them could defy Akito’s direct orders. But it wasn’t enough. 

“I’m not crying now,” Yuki told him, voice cold and clear. “And when this is over, Akito won’t be laughing.”

He’d hung up before his nerves could overtake him and sank to the floor, burying his face against his knees. Threatening Hatori wasn’t as dangerous, as forbidden as threatening Akito but…

Yuki scrambled to the bathroom, barely making it in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He retched, again and again until nothing was left. His body shook uncontrollably, adrenaline and fear and newfound power coursing through his veins. Yuki stood, shaky as a fawn, and felt a lightness in his limbs he’d never known before. 

He couldn’t help but laugh; Yuki was toeing a dangerous line and it felt like freedom. 

* * *

... _ will you still be my friend?  _

* * *

Opportunity had a funny way of sneaking up on a person. 

It was raining the day Yuki noticed Tohru eating alone at her desk, for once not surrounded by Uotani and Hanajima. She didn’t seem sad or lonely, smiling softly to herself and glancing over her class notes, but Yuki could only see that tired girl emerging from her tent in the woods, feverish and small. 

_ Don’t speak to Tohru Honda.  _ He could hear Hatori say.  _ This is for the best _ . 

_ Who would want to be friends with someone as useless as you? _ Mother hissed in his head. 

_ If normal people knew your secret,  _ Akito had once said.  _ It would sicken them.  _

They were right, he was being stupid, he was broken and cursed and disgusting. Yuki was an abomination, a shell of a person hiding an ugly truth, and Tohru was-

_ Will you still be my friend? _

Torhu was someone he’d made a promise to, someone who’d seen the truth and smiled. Yuki took a deep breath and slowly approached her desk, lunch clutched in his hand as the classroom around him blurred into nothingness. 

“Honda?” His voice came out softer than he intended, shakier. But Tohru looked up, eyes bright and kind as always, and his nerves settled. “You’re eating alone today?” 

Tohru looked around, as if just realizing her friends were gone. “Oh, Sohma, hello! Um, yes, Hana needed to return some books to the library and Uo’s home sick, so it’s just me.” She smiled awkwardly. 

Those ugly voices still screamed in his head, but the newly-burning rage roared louder. Yuki took another deep breath and focused on the warmth that always seemed to radiate from Tohru. She looked at him curiously, sweet and open and kind. He could do this. He  _ would _ do this. 

“Do you...do you mind if I join you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyo will play a bigger part beyond this beginning, as will most of the zodiac, but this is a Yuki- and Yuki-Tohru-Friendship-centric fic, because both have been very important to me since I was a wee preteen. Also I swear Hatori isn’t a villain, he just...sort of comes off that way through the lens of Yuki. 
> 
> I’m on tumblr at alphacrone.


	2. well, i've got open eyes & an open door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we do not believe in consistent posting schedules in this family. the next update will probably be in three years. i am uhhhhh....not reliable. 
> 
> tohru pov time yay best girl best girl

Living with the Hanajima family was...stifling. 

No—not stifling! Tohru was so grateful to them for taking her in and for treating her so kindly. Saki’s parents had always been so welcoming to Tohru, and she considered Megumi to be her own younger brother. Even Misa, Hana’s grandmother, to whom Torhu rarely spoke, had doted on her the first night she spent living there, serving her tea and odango. The love and generosity of the Hanajima family was overwhelming, but it soothed an ache in Tohru’s chest she hadn’t realized was there. 

But...the guilt was suffocating her, especially at night, after Hana had fallen asleep and Tohru was left alone with her thoughts. Hirofumi, Hana’s father, already worked so hard to support his mother, wife, and children; surely Torhu was just an unneeded burden in an already full house. She offered to cook, but the kitchen was Misa’s domain. She tried to take over cleaning duties, but Yumi, Hana’s mother, would bat her away with a playful smile, telling her she already worked too hard at her job. Feeling desperate, Tohru even approached Hirofumi about paying rent or utilities, but he’d just given her a stern look and said, “This isn’t a boarding house; you’re our guest.” 

Their kindness brought tears to Tohru’s eyes, but with every grain of rice in her bowl and every inch of space she took up in Hana’s bed, Tohru could only see the growing debt she’d never be able to repay. At least with Grandpa, she’d done the housework, and she’d likely continue to do the same when Aunt Mie and her cousins moved in. Her time living in the tent had been cold and dark and oftentimes scary, but the independence Tohru had come to know had kept her spirits lifted. It all seemed a blur now, weeks out in the woods on her own flowing into tangled memories, but the one constant she’d known was the sense of peace that came from the knowledge that no one was burdened by her existence. She took care of herself so no one else had to. 

_ Was it lonely?  _ Uo had asked, after she’d calmed down that day in the classroom.

_ No, _ Tohru had answered, and it was true. Perhaps the spirit of her mother had been all the company she’d needed, but her memories of the tent always came with a sense of companionship, a sense of safety that surely wasn’t warranted.  _ It wasn’t lonely _ . 

Still...something didn’t sit right with Tohru when she thought about it too hard. Those first nights had been clear in her mind, the wind threatening the walls of her tent, the howls of stray dogs nearby, the scuttling of bugs across her skin—it had been difficult, but she’d persevered. After that, though, her time camping felt like a dream, warm and hazy and golden. She remembered the shuffling of papers; the tinkling of windchimes; a cat’s hiss; a boy’s soft laugh. Happy dreams, Tohru supposed, that kept her going during that time. 

She hadn’t been lonely alone in the woods...but she should have been. 

* * *

“I heard you ate lunch with Prince Yuki yesterday, Tohru,” Uo said as they stretched before gym class. “Those fanclub girls are  _ not _ happy about it.” 

“Eh?!” Tohru was taken aback. “Yes, Sohma asked to eat lunch with me yesterday, but it’s just because he saw I was sitting by myself. He was being nice.” 

“You think so?” Hana asked, picking at the chipping black paint on her nails. “That’s not something Sohma does often.” 

Uo nodded, hands on her hips. “Come to think of it, the Prince always eats lunch by himself, no matter how many girls pester him. He doesn’t even sit with his cousin.” 

“O-oh? Really? Well…” Tohru tugged on the end of one of her pigtails, face growing warm under the scrutiny of her friends. “Maybe he thought I was lonely. He was very nice, we talked about gardening! Did you know Sohma likes to garden?” 

“What is he, an old lady?” Uo snorted. “Well, just...be careful, Tohru. The Prince might be nice, but his fangirls are  _ rabid _ .” 

“His waves are...unusual,” Hana commented, more to herself than to her friends. “I don’t know what to make of them.” 

“Unusual?” Tohru tilted her head to the side. “Have you...said that before? About him?” Something about it rang familiar. 

Hana raised an eyebrow. “I have. But I still do not know what it means.” 

“Maybe he’s like you, Hana,” Uo teased, poking Hana’s cheek with her index finger. “Maybe he’s got some secret powers.”

“Oh, wouldn’t that be wonderful!” Tohru exclaimed. “Hana, you’d have a friend like you!” 

The corner of Hana’s twitched up into the ghost of a smile. “We’d have to be friends, first.” 

“Then let’s make friends with him!” Tohru continued, clapping her hands together. “Maybe he can sense waves, too? Can you sense your own waves? Are his like Megumi’s? Or maybe it’s something totally different!” 

“Alright, alright, calm down, Tohru,” Uo said, patting her on the head. “It doesn’t matter what’s wrong with his waves if he turns out to be a shitty friend. One step at a time.” 

“Roger that!” Tohru drew herself up into a very serious salute. Hana laughed softly. “Friends first, waves second!” 

“Maybe if we’re friends with him, he’ll give us produce from his garden…” Uo mused, stretching her arms over her head. In the distance, the gym teacher yelled at them to get into formation for a run around the track. “My old man needs more greens in his diet.” 

“Tohru makes a delicious sukiyaki,” Hana commented casually. “I’m sure it would be even better with garden-grown vegetables.” 

Uo snorted. “It’s not cold enough for nabe, Hana. You just want the meat.” 

“Guilty as charged,” Hana said. 

Tohru laughed with her friends as they began their run with the rest of the class, but a new spark had blossomed in her belly that she couldn’t ignore. If there was  _ something _ about Sohma, then she  _ had _ to get him and Hana to become friends. Hana had spent her whole life feeling like an outcast because of powers she’d had since birth. If there was someone out there _like her_... 

Tohru had noticed it when they ate together, talking lightly about soil and sunlight, but Sohma had the saddest eyes she’d ever seen. They reminded her of the clouds before rain, dark gray and full to bursting. No matter how politely he smiled or how kindly he asked about her day, there was an intense sorrow in his gaze that broke Tohru’s heart. 

If he had powers like Hana then maybe, like her, he’d be alone for a long time, too. 

* * *

“Oi! Sohma!” 

Tohru held back a  _ meep _ of surprise when Uo shouted at Sohma from across the classroom the next day during lunch. She’d intended on approaching him herself, after he finished talking to Mayu-sensei, but Uo had beaten her to the punch. Mayu-sensei waved him off, giving Uo an amused smirk, and Sohma approached tentatively. Tohru couldn’t totally blame him; Uo and Hana looked scary when you didn’t know them. 

“Is something wrong, Uotani?” He asked, head tilted. 

“Nope,” she said, then patted the empty desk next to her. “Wanna eat with us?” 

Sohma looked taken aback. “Only if you want to,” Tohru added hurriedly. “If you’re busy or already have plans with friends-”

“No,” Sohma said, still looking uncertain. “I would like to join you. Let me just...grab my lunch.” 

Tohru beamed, relief flooding through her body. “Okay!” 

“What are the waves saying?” Uo asked Hana, leaning back in her chair. Hana mused for a moment as Sohma ducked down to pull his lunch from his bag. 

“I still can’t tell. There’s something...more. Something old.” 

Uo’s eyes lit up in that terrible way that Tohru knew meant teasing was on its way. “You think he’s, like, a 30-year-old pretending to be a high schooler?” 

“Older than that,” Hana said.

Uo gasped, awful grin widening. “50?” 

“50 what?” Sohma sat down next to Uo, lunch in hand. Tohru could feel her face turning pink; if he’d overheard what Uo said-

“50 yen—Hana found a vending machine in the neighborhood that sells Calpis for 50 yen. It’s either a bargain or, like, cursed. Like an urban legend.” 

“Oh.” Sohma didn’t seem to know how to react. “I’ve never had Calpis, but my cousin, Haru, really likes it.” 

“Do you have a lot of cousins, Sohma?” Tohru asked. “We all know Kyo, and now Haru…”

“Yes,” Sohma said around a bite of katsu. “Our extended family is very large, so I don’t have any immediate cousins, but there are a lot of relatives my age who I’m close to.” He cast his eyes down, and Tohru wondered if he didn’t like to talk about his family. 

“That’s so fun!” Tohru said, despite herself. “Growing up it was just me and Mom, so I never had any cousins to play with. I mean, I have cousins, but I’ve never been close with that side of the family…” She trailed off awkwardly, remembering that soon she'd be sharing a house with cousins she didn't know. 

“Do you have any siblings?” Hana asked, and Tohru shot her a grateful smile.

Sohma nodded, mouth curling into a grimace. “An older brother.” 

“Ooh, really?” Uo asked, that teasing glint back in her eyes. “Do you look alike?”

“Yes,” Sohma sighed, and Tohru thought she heard him mutter, “ _ Unfortunately _ .” 

“Ha!” Uo rubbed her hands together. “Do you know how crazy the girls around here would get if they knew there was a second,  _ older _ Prince out there?” 

Sohma flushed. “We may look alike but we are...very different people.” 

“Different how?” Tohru asked. It was hard to imagine someone out there with Sohma’s face but a completely different personality. Was he mean? Outgoing? Aggressive? 

“ _ Kyon-Kyon _ !” Uo shouted, tossing her eraser at the other Sohma in the class. “Do you know the Prince’s brother?” 

Kyo chucked the eraser back at Uo, a little too hard, but managed to miss. “Don’t throw things at me, woman!” His eyes moved from Uo, to Tohru, then over to Sohma, and a disgruntled frown settled over his features. “What do you want?” 

Uo turned in her seat to better face him. “Do you know Sohma’s brother? He’s your cousin, too, right?” 

“Ayame?” Kyo asked, spitting out the name with disgust. “He’s an annoying bastard, is what he is. He never  _ shuts up _ .” 

“Really?” Uo cackled, tilting back in her chair. “Tell us more.” 

“What the hell? No!” Kyo growled. “Make that idiot next to you tell you about Ayame; it’s  _ his _ brother.” 

Yuki shrugged, bringing rice to his mouth. “He’s not wrong. My brother is loud and inconsiderate.”

Uo laughed again and slapped Sohma on the shoulder. “That’s rough, man!” 

Tohru tittered, wondering if she should divert the conversation away from family, when she caught Hana’s gaze pierce over her shoulder. Tohru turned, and saw that Hana was staring at Kyo, who’d gone back to napping against the windowsill. The look in Hana’s eyes was uncertain...confusion, maybe? Intrigue? 

“Hey, we got some time before class, right?” Uo asked, leaning over to rummage through her bag. “Who wants to play  _ daihinmin?”  _

“Oh, that sounds fun!” Tohru said, grateful for the distraction. “Sohma, would you like to play with us?” 

Sohma looked vaguely bewildered. “Oh...yes, I would like that. But I don’t know the rules.”

“Don’t worry, I always forget them!” Tohru assured him. “Hana’s good at explaining it.” 

Sohma cracked a smile—a true, genuine smile—and nodded. “Sounds fun.” 

By the time class started, Tohru was losing miserably, but Sohma was more relaxed than she’d ever seen him before, even as Uo teased him and Hana stared unnervingly. The site made her smile so hard, she thought her face would split in two. 

* * *

Tohru didn’t mean to overhear the fight. She’d left her notebook in class and had run back to get it. But as she headed back to where Hana and Uo waited, she turned a corner and stumbled upon the two Sohma cousins locked in a heated argument. A part of her was curious, and another part worried, so she ducked back behind the corner and listened. 

“-doing,  _ talking  _ to her? Are you trying to make Akito mad?” 

“Akito can’t get mad if he doesn’t know. Are you going to tell him?” 

“Fuck, no!” Kyo hit the wall next to Sohma’s head. “But he’ll find out, he  _ always _ finds out. You think it’ll stop with him pulling us out of this school? You think he  _ won’t _ hurt her, just to spite you?” 

“I’m not stupid,  _ cat _ ,” Sohma hissed, grabbing Kyo by the front of his shirt. “I know better than anyone what Akito can and  _ will _ do. But I’m not going to let fear of him keep me from being happy. Not anymore.” 

Kyo growled and aimed a punch towards Sohma’s face. Tohru gasped, but Sohma was quick, and dodged out of the way just in time. There was a loud  _ clang _ as Kyo’s fist collided with the locker where Sohma’s head had just been. 

“If she gets hurt,” he hissed, voice low and deadly calm. “I  _ will _ kill you, damn rat.” 

“If she gets hurt,” Sohma replied. “I’m not the one you  _ should _ kill. Get your priorities straight.” 

Before Kyo could reply, Sohma walked away, head held high. Tohru watched him disappear, then saw Kyo sink to the ground, cradling his hand. The locker he’d punched was dented, and Tohru could see specks of red forming on Kyo’s knuckles. Despite herself, Tohru hurried forward, sinking to her knees in front of Kyo. 

“Are you okay?” She asked, reaching out to look at Kyo’s hand. He snatched it away, face growing pale. 

“How much did you hear?” He demanded, eyes narrowing. “How much?!”

“A-ah, well,” Tohru pulled her hands back and settled them on her lap. “Something about a person named Akito? And you’re afraid Akito will hurt someone else? I didn’t really understand what was going on, but you two were really angry about it…” 

Kyo’s shoulders sagged, and he seemed to deflate. “It doesn’t involve you, so don’t go poking your nose into places it doesn’t belong, okay?” 

“Y-yes! Okay,” Tohru nodded. 

“I’m serious,” Kyo said. “Akito...Akito is dangerous. Me n’ Yuki can handle him, so don’t try to get involved with this. You’ll just get hurt.” 

Tohru couldn’t help but feel warmth towards Kyo. He was  _ worried _ about her. She’d thought he had a softer side to him that he didn’t show to other people, and she was right. “Okay,” Tohru repeated. “But the person you’re worried about, will she be okay? Should we go to the police?” 

Kyo almost smiled. “Nah, she’ll be okay. I’m watching out for her, so she’s got nothing to worry about.” 

“That’s sweet,” Tohru said, beaming. “She’s lucky to have her own guard dog, huh?” 

“Cat.” 

“Huh?” 

There was a light flush on Kyo’s face as he muttered, “I’m more of a cat than a dog.” 

Tohru laughed. “I can see that! You’re skittish around people, until you warm up to them. And you nap in class a  _ lot _ .” 

Kyo huffed and gently bopped Tohru’s head with his good hand. “Yeah, yeah. You better get going, or wave girl and the yankee will tear apart the school looking for you.” 

“Oh, you’re right! They’re probably worried I’ve been gone so long!” Tohru stood and brushed off her skirt. “I have bandaids in my bag, if you want to come with me. We could patch up your hand.” 

Kyo waved her off. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I heal quick.” 

“Okay. See you later, Sohma,” she said, waving as she began to turn. 

“Kyo.” 

“Hmm?” Tohru paused and looked back. “What?” 

“Kyo,” he repeated, not meeting her eyes. “Call me Kyo.” 

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. See you later... _ Kyo _ .”

Tohru ran off to meet her friends, heart feeling light. Maybe, just maybe, she’d befriended more than one Sohma boy today. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed to get a lot of work done today. did i get work done? absolutely not. did i write this chapter in one sitting? you bet ur ass i did.


	3. now my heart’s a frozen lake where streams used to flow

“Do you think wave-girl seduced him?” 

Yuki paused at the mention of Hanajima. They were barely more than acquaintances, but Yuki didn’t like the tone the girls in the classroom were using. He leaned back against the wall and continued to listen. 

“Ew, no way! But he seems close to that Honda girl…” 

They were talking about Tohru? Yuki’s blood began to boil. 

“How could someone so _plain_ attract Prince Yuki like that! He deserves someone beautiful and utterly _perfect_.” 

“Seriously. Do you think she...you know...with him?” 

One of the girls gasped. “Don’t say something like that. The Prince wouldn’t do _that_ with just _anyone_.” 

Under his blind anger at these girls’ insults of Tohru, Yuki wondered just how they could make such assumptions about _him_. How could they know what would attract him? How could they know he wasn’t hooking up with anyone willing? Who were they to assume his own thoughts and feelings? 

But...well, even if they didn’t have the right to think they knew him, how _could_ they even begin to know him? Yuki was a creature of ice and snow, cold and hardened against the world. His heart was frozen solid, buried deep and far, far away from the light of day. He’d never let anyone close, really, only Hatsuharu on occasion.

And then, Tohru had appeared in his life. From the moment he’d found her in the woods, he knew what Prometheus felt gazing upon fire for the first time. Yuki wanted to steal this light for himself, keep her safe and far away from harm, but to be a Sohma was to be dangerous. It would be wise to leave her behind and retreat behind his walls, but Yuki was tired. He was tired of loneliness and tired of the cold, tired of watching the world pass by like a movie he couldn’t pause. 

And Tohru was bright, and Tohru was warm, and Tohru was so unfailingly kind and loving, it made Yuki’s heart ache. What would happen to his heart of ice in the face of these new flames in his chest? Would he extinguish her light? Or would he thaw?

Yuki was a creature of snow and ice; would there be anything left of him when he melted? 

* * *

Yuki wasn’t sure what he expected from Hanajima’s house when she invited him to study after school, but the normalcy of it did surprise him. He supposed it would be foolish to think she lived in some spooky, European mansion in the middle of the neighborhood, but against the backdrop of the average house she seemed more startling, like ink against a stark canvas.

“Hope you’re better at history than we are, Prince,” Uotani said, pushing hair from her face as they approached the front door. “I’m great at remembering formulas for math, but I can’t remember dates for shit.” 

“Uo’s a math genius!” Tohru called over her shoulder, bouncing a little. “She can do really complicated equations in her head!” 

“Eh, math’s just easy,” Uo said with a shrug. “Once you get how it works. Remembering dates and names for things that happened before I was born is confusing.” 

Tohru blushed, but didn’t seem too embarrassed when she said, “I think it’s all confusing. But I like learning about the past. So many people have lived so many lives, it’s really interesting.” 

Hanajima opened the front door and softly called, “I’m home.” The other girls parrotted her, and all three kicked off their shoes with a familiar ease. Yuki knelt down to remove his own as an older woman replied, “Welcome home!” 

Uotani cast a grin at Tohru. “Well, if I’m a math genius, Tohru’s a home ec genius. Our girl can cook and sew like nobody’s business.” 

“I kno-” Yuki caught himself before he could reveal he had, in fact, spent a few weeks eating Tohru’s cooking for every meal. “I see.” 

“O-oh, it’s nothing,” Tohru sputtered, waving her hands around. Hanajima and Uo led them upstairs to Hanajima’s room, both smirking at Tohru as her face grew pink. “Cooking isn’t anything special like math.” 

“I think it’s really special,” Yuki said honestly, readjusting his grip on his school bag. “I’m awful at cooking and cleaning. Most of my meals are take-out.” Of the three men in the house, only Kyo could cook, and he adamantly refused to cook for anyone but himself. After Shigure’s last attempt at cooking, he and Yuki had gone back to take-out and microwaveable meals. 

Hanajima’s room was much like the rest of her house—unnervingly normal—but at least here there were touches of her darkness. The dark bedspread and curtains at least hinted at the macabre aesthetic of Kaibara High’s resident witch. 

“O-oh, really?” Tohru said, sitting down at the small table across from the bed. “I’m sure you’re not awful.” 

“Oh, no, I am,” Yuki laughed, sitting down next to her. “I burn everything.” 

“Well, look at that,” Uotani teased, flopping down on Tohru’s other side. “Prince Yuki has a _fault_. Alert the fangirls, they’ll lose their shit.” 

“All men are fallible,” Hanajima said evenly, dark eyes boring into Yuki. “To be perfect is to be inhuman.” 

Yuki swallowed roughly. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I guarantee I am incredibly fallible.” 

With a snort, Uotani pulled out her notebook and reached around Tohru’s to softly smack Yuki with it. “We’re just giving you a hard time, Yun-Yun.” 

“Yun-Yun?” Nobody called him that, except for Kagura when she wanted something. 

“Uh, yeah,” Uotani said with a shrug. “I bet that’s what Kyoko would’ve called you.” 

“Who?” 

“Kyoko,” Hanajima said softly. “Tohru’s mom.” 

“Oh.” There was a thick pause. Technically, everyone knew now that Torhu was an orphan, but Yuki wasn’t sure how many people knew how recently her mother had died. “Was she...a fan of giving people nicknames?” 

All three girls smiled. “Yes, she was,” Tohru said fondly. “She’s why Uo and Hana go by Uo and Hana.”

“And she would absolutely _love_ to tease you,” Uo said. “A little pretty boy like you wouldn’t have stood a chance.” 

“She sounds...fun,” Yuki said. 

“She was,” Uo agreed. 

“Who’s this? I didn’t know you had more friends, Saki.” 

Yuki turned to see a miniature Hanajima. Though his hair was short and his uniform that of the nearby middle school, the boy in the doorway looked exactly like his sister. 

“Don’t be rude, Megumi,” Hanajima scolded lightly. “This is Yuki Sohma, our classmate. He’s going to use his status to gain us top academic scores.” 

There was an uncomfortable silence, before Uotani laughed and said, “Prince Yuki is here to study with us.” 

Tohru smiled at the boy. “Sohma, this is Megumi, Hana’s little brother.”

“Nice to meet you,” Yuki offered, but Megumi said nothing as he studied Yuki’s face. 

“You have an unusual energy,” Megumi eventually said, face impassive. “Shall we have snacks?” 

“Go get some rice crackers, kid,” Uo said. “You can join us if you study too.” 

“Do you need help, Megumi?” Tohru asked. “I can help make tea.” 

“Grandmother is already making some for you,” Megumi said. “I’ll see if she has any rice crackers.” He stood and left without fanfare, leaving Yuki feeling more stressed than he had earlier. _What a strange boy_. 

“Love that kid,” Uotani said with a chuckle. “He talks like a old man.” 

“When I was staying here, he’d offer to read me bedtime stories,” Tohru said. “It was very sweet, but funny coming from a little boy.” 

“He’s an odd one,” Hanajima agreed. “I’m not sure where he gets it from…” 

Yuki and Uotani exchanged a bemused look. “Alright, history,” Uotani said. “Someone quiz me.” 

“I will!” Tohru grabbed her flashcards and held one up for Uotani. Yuki opened his own notes and tried to focus on them, but was quickly interrupted by Megumi returning with snacks and tea. The girls all cooed over him and told him to join them, so he silently squeezed in between his sister and Yuki, making no real effort to study as the high schoolers returned to their work. 

“So, uh, Megumi,” Yuki said after a few minutes of Tohru and Uotani’s excited flashcard quizzing. “Do you also, uh...see waves?” 

Megumi raised an eyebrow, but his expression did not change. “No. Saki controls waves.”

“Ah.” Yuki cleared his throat, unsure if he should continue talking. 

“I, however, have studied the ancient art of curses,” Megumi continued, voice high and monotone. “All I need to curse a victim is their name.” 

Yuki wondered if that was supposed to be a threat. Not that it mattered; he was already cursed. 

“What do your curses do?” He asked, resting his hand in his palm. He glanced to the right, but Tohru was thoroughly absorbed in her flashcards, cheering every time Uotani got an answer correct. 

“It depends,” Megumi said, not breaking eye contact. “Sometimes it renders the victim ill or in pain. Sometimes it causes them bad luck. Sometimes it makes them the target of negative energies.” 

“What about...transformations?” Yuki asked, tapping his pencil against the table. “Can you curse someone to turn into an animal?” 

“What, like a toad?” The boy looked unimpressed. “I’m not a witch.” 

“I didn’t mean to imply you were,” Yuki backpedaled, holding his hands up in surrender. “It’s just...an interesting concept, don’t you think?” 

Megumi tilted his head. “I suppose. To trap an enemy in a foreign vessel is a cruel torture.” 

“But you’ve never…?” 

“No.” Yuki felt his heart drop. “But it is a curious idea.” 

It had been foolish to put any sort of expectations in this child Yuki had known for less than an hour. But just having someone outside his own family discuss curses so casually had sparked hope deep inside him. 

Could there be others like him out there? Could this curse be broken? Could this curse be inflicted on someone else, a new family of unwitting monsters? 

“Sohma!” 

Tohru’s voice broke Yuki from his spiralling thoughts. She was smiling—she was always smiling—and pointed to one of her flashcards. “Can you help us with this one? The textbook gives two different dates for this, and we don’t know which is correct.” 

Yuki took a deep breath and nodded, scooting over to look at the flashcards. He supposed it didn’t matter, really, if Megumi held the truth to his...hereditary affliction. For now, it was enough to sit by Tohru Honda and bask in her warmth. 

* * *

Classes were over but Yuki had promised to help the class president with some budgeting, so he bid Tohru, Hanajima, and Uotani goodbye and headed towards the student council room, already dreading Takei-senpai’s overbearing nature. 

As he crossed the walkway overlooking the school gate, Yuki noticed Tohru and Hanajima waving Uotani off as she sprinted off to get to her job on time. Tohru was laughing, swinging Hanajima’s hand as they meandered down the stairs at a slower pace. Yuki couldn’t help but smile at the scene, watching his friends— _friends?—_ look so happy and carefree. 

He turned to continue his return to the classroom when he noticed a boy standing a few yards away, eyes trained where Yuki’s had just been. 

The kid was dark-haired and slouched against the wall, a couple file folders clutched loosely in his hand. He frowned, still watching Tohru and Hanajima. Yuki glanced at the girls again, noticing that Hanajima had separated from Tohru and Tohru now walked alone. Still, the boy’s gaze followed her, frown increasing, turning almost vicious. 

It was that angry frown, Yuki would later claim, that spurred him into action. Crossing the walkway quickly and silently, Yuki dipped between the boy’s line of sight and Tohru, blocking her from view. The boy startled, blinking in surprise. 

“Leave Tohru Honda alone,” Yuki hissed. “Whatever you want with her, drop it.” 

The guy held his hands up. “Hey, hey, calm down, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You were watching her,” Yuki said, poking the boy in the chest angrily. “Leave her alone.” 

“I wasn’t planning on starting shit,” the boy said. “Seriously, calm down, I’m not gonna hit on your girlfriend.” 

“She’s not- Just- What do you want with her?” Yuki crossed his arm over his chest, face growing warm. 

“Not that it’s any of your business,” the guy said with a smirk. “But she and I have a past.” He shouldered past Yuki, turning to add, “Don’t worry about it, Yuki Sohma. I’m not gonna talk to her.” 

Before Yuki could respond, he winked and sauntered away, waving as if they’d just had a normal, casual conversation. Yuki sighed and glanced back out to where Tohru had been. She was gone, predictably, but a small part of him felt disappointed by her absence. 

_You’ll see her tomorrow_ , a small voice told him. _This isn’t like before. She’s still here._

Yuki couldn’t stop the chill that ran down his spine. She was still here, for now. And Yuki would do whatever it took to keep her there, away from the clutches of the Sohma family and its curse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while, but I finally remembered how I used to cross-post fic chapters, so here are ch 1-3 on tumblr if you prefer to read fic there:  
> [Chapter 1](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/619937048040751104/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 2](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620026924410011648/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 3](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620315245376946176/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)


	4. was it a knife in my back? or a fork in the road?

## interlude i

It was a weekly ritual of theirs, him and Hatori, to sit in the outer gardens of the main estate and share a pot of tea. Few people came here, only the occasional gardener, leaving their conversations uninterrupted and private as possible within Sohma compound. 

The birds were singing, a cacophony of laments as the weather grew colder. Shigure understood their sorrow; there was a certain kind of tragedy in leaving home. 

“I’m curious, Haa,” he said, breathing in the steam wafting from his tea. The scent of it was floral, this delicate jasmine blend, but it was deceptively bitter and sharp once it met the tongue. “I was on the line, listening, the day you called Yuki.”

Hatori looked disappointed, but unsurprised. “And?”

“You’re always careful with your words,” Shigure continued. “As a writer, it’s something I’ve always envied about you. You can be blunt—cold, even, and so cruel to your closest friend.” Hatori glared. “But you consider the things you say. Nothing that comes from your lips could ever be considered...superfluous.”

“As opposed to you and Aya,” Hatori replied, taking a cautious sip of tea. He winced, and Shigure smiled. 

“I possess a poetic soul, I confess,” Shigure said. “You didn’t tell Yuki it was Akito’s order.” 

“What?” Hatori nearly dropped his cup. “What are you going on about?” 

“You didn’t tell Yuki that Akito ordered him not to speak to Tohru. You gave Yuki that order yourself. I wonder why that is?” 

“What are you implying?” Hatori asked, slowly setting down his cup. 

“Implying?” Shigure waved his hand lazily. “Haa, I’m wounded! I’m not implying anything. Just...making an observation.”

Hatori sighed. “I did as I was told; I relayed Akito’s orders. There is no conspiracy, Shigure, no subterfuge, no scheming. I’m not _you_.” 

Shigure raised his cup to his lips. “I never said you were.” 

“What’s done is done,” Hatori continued, turning to look out over the garden. The birds had fallen silent, leaving behind an overwhelming emptiness. “Tohru Honda has been taken care of. The boys have moved on. It’s over.” 

Shigure couldn’t help the chuckle that crawled out from his chest. He sipped his tea, still too hot, and it scorched the tip of his tongue like the blade of a knife. With a smile, Shigure continued drinking, throat burning as he finished the cup. 

“Oh, my dear Hatori, you’re mistaken. This has only just begun.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted to tumblr:  
> [Chapter 1](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/619937048040751104/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 2](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620026924410011648/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 3](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620315245376946176/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 4](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623180933048287232/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of%22)


	5. i watched as the hillsides turned white with nowhere to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, alright, we're starting to get into the meat of it now :)
> 
> thank you to everyone who's commented, kudos-ed, bookmarked, and subscribed. every little bit of feedback brightens my day and fuels these terrible gremlin hands in my quest to ignore my responsibilities and write fic instead. <3

“Be honest, Tohru. Are they treating you well?” 

Tohru looked up from her lunch, tilting her head in confusion. “What are you talking about, Uo?”

Uo tore off a piece of her curry bread and chewed in an unnaturally aggressive way. “Your family. Are they treating you well? And be honest.” 

“O-oh!” Tohru glanced between Hana and Sohma, who both watched her intently. It had been a week since she'd moved back in with Grandpa and his family, the renovations finally complete. The Hanajima family had bid her a tearful farewell, insisting that Tohru come by and visit frequently. Tohru was touched by their generosity, and began taking extra shifts at work so she could begin to repay them. “Of course! I’m really so grateful to them, taking me in when Aunt Mie’s going through a divorce…” 

“You were there first!” Uo slammed her fist down on the desk, knocking her half-empty Pocari bottle to the floor. “Your gramps better have his priorities straight when it comes to you…”

“N-no, that’s not-" Tohru frowned. “It’s just a hard time for them, so I just don’t want to be in their way.” 

Uo drew back to continue ranting, but Sohma cut her off, his voice low and calm. “Did they say that?” 

“Huh?” Tohru swallowed roughly. Sohma’s expression had not changed, but there was something sharp in his eyes. “Say what?” 

“You family,” he said. “Did they say you were in their way?” 

“A-ah, no,” Tohru replied, rubbing awkwardly at the back of her neck. “No, they wouldn’t say something like that, I-I just want to help them in this difficult time!” 

“Good,” Sohma said, and his gaze softened. “Tell me if they ever say anything that cruel. That is unacceptable behavior, especially from family.” 

Tohru nodded, cheeks growing warm. Sohma was always so cool and collected, even when he was unhappy. But to see him become so cold, just because he thought her family might have said something hurtful…

“Yeah, yeah,” Uo said. “Where were they when Kyoko...? I just think you could stand to be a little more selfish, Tohru. Don’t let them bully you into doing all the chores or sleeping in a closet or something.” 

“Did you know,” Hana said, dabbing her mouth clean with a pitch black handkerchief. “That in the Grimm version of Cinderella, the wicked stepsisters have their eyes plucked out by birds?”

Tohru’s mind reeled. “What? That’s awful!” 

Hana shrugged, bringing another piece of beef to her lips. “Just...something to consider.” 

Uo laughed, and slapped Tohru on the back. “Sorry, sorry, I know I’m worrying too much. But you have a bad habit of not telling anyone when you’re upset or in pain, Tohru.” Uo’s eyes grew sad. “Let us take care of you, okay?” 

“Uo...Hana…” Tohru felt tears welling up against her will. “You guys...I love you guys…” 

“Aww.” Uo scrubbed at her eyes, brushing away her own tears. “C’mere.” 

Tohru laughed as Hana and Uo engulfed her in a big hug. Sandwiched between them, she felt safe and warm, cradled in a world that brought her nothing but love and kindness. She didn’t often feel this way anymore, not since Mom had died, but when she did it was always because of her friends. Tohru didn’t deserve such wonderful people, but she was beyond grateful for them. 

From between Hana’s and Uo’s arms, Tohru caught sight of Sohma, who still sat across from her, looking awkwardly alone. She wished she could pull him into their hug, to wipe the strained look from his face, to banish any sadness from his heart. 

Gray eyes met brown, and Sohma smiled; it was a small, soft thing, and gone in an instant. But Tohru saw it, and kept the precious memory of it safe in her chest. 

She really was so lucky to have these friends of hers. Every one of them.

* * *

“Ugh, this house is so big, but I  _ still _ have to share a room?” Kaoru griped, flopping back dramatically on her bed. 

“I’m sorry,” Tohru said, looking up from her math homework. She wasn’t making great headway, but with Uo’s persistent help she was managing to understand more. 

Kaoru waved away her apology, content with sighing dramatically. Tohru was secretly happy to be sharing a room; she’d grown used to listening to Hana’s light snores at night, and was afraid the silence of an empty room might keep her awake. 

“Kyoko,” Grandpa said, appearing in the doorway. Tohru smiled weakly at the wrong name. 

“That’s Tohru, Grandpa,” Kaoru sighed. 

Grandpa appeared not to have heard. “They’re calling for you downstairs,” he told Tohru. 

“Okay!” Tohru hopped up and brushed off her skirt. Despite herself, she was glad for a reason to escape from her cousin’s griping. It must be hard for Kaoru to share a room with Tohru after thinking she’d have one to herself, but Tohru was just grateful for a roof over her head. A small part of her had missed living with Grandpa. 

When she reached the kitchen, Aunt Mie and Akinori were both waiting for her at the table. Kaoru and Grandpa followed after her, lurking near the stove. Their eagerness to eavesdrop made Tohru uneasy. 

“Hi,” she said awkwardly. “Is something wrong?” 

Aunt Mie sighed and adjusted her reading glasses. In her hands she held some papers, too far way for Tohru to properly read. “I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, but moving in was so hectic...but that’s not important.”

“O-okay?” Tohru gripped her hands together tightly. Why did it feel like she’d done something wrong? Surely they didn’t know she’d been living in a tent. Uo and Hana had been sworn to secrecy, despite Uo’s threats to ride her motorcycle through Grandpa’s living room window, and Tohru was certain no one else knew…

“Tohru,” Aunt Mie said, voice stern. “It seems like you’ve been living with unmarried men? We had a detective look into it.” 

Kaoru gasped, sounding more excited than scandalized. “No way! You were living with guys? Woah!” 

“W-wait,” Tohru held up her hands in surrender, face growing hot. “What are you talking about? I-I-I was living with Hana’s family.”

“Yes,” Aunt Mie said. “For a little while. But before then, you were living with three men by the name of…” She flipped a page, eyes scanning the page. “Sohma.”

“Sohma?” Tohru thought she might pass out. “Th-there has to be some mistake! I go to school with two Sohmas, but I never lived with them.” 

Aunt Mie looked frustrated, but it was Akinori who spoke. “Are you calling us liars, Tohru?” He asked, eyes narrowing behind his thick-rimmed glasses. 

“N-no, of course not!” Tohru struggled to keep her breathing steady. “I didn’t mean to offend you, I’m sorry! It’s just, I wasn’t living with men, I-I- Before staying with Hana, I was living in a tent. I’m sorry for lying about that,” she cried, bowing deeply to Grandpa. “But I swear, I wasn’t- I didn’t-”

“My son is studying to become a policeman,” Aunt Mie snapped. “It will be a problem if one of our relatives has a criminal record.” 

“I-I don’t!” Tohru clasped her hands together, pleading. “I swear I don’t!”

“Don’t lie, Tohru,” Akinori said with a smirk. “We have photo evidence.” 

Tohru’s head was spinning. Photo evidence of what? Surely their detective had confused some other girl at Sohma's house as Tohru, maybe another cousin even; Sohma had said he had many cousins.

“Kyoko was fairly rough,” Aunt Mie continued. Kaoru was still watching from behind a few potted plants, mouth ajar. “And they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She pointed a thin, accusatory finger at Tohru. “You have to stay on the straight and narrow if you wish to continue living in this house.” 

A cold sweat had broken out on the back of Tohru's neck, and her hands shook uncontrollably. Tohru wasn’t like her mother in too many ways, but she was proud of the ways in which she resembled Kyoko Honda. But if what her aunt said was true, if being like Mom wasn’t acceptable in this house…

She still had her tent, muddy and half-destroyed, tucked away under Hana’s bed. If she could just get it without alerting Hana and Uo, Tohru could unburden everyone who felt obligated to house her. She could be independent, like Mom, like someone Mom could be _proud_ of. 

“Hey, Tohru,” Akinori said, shaking her from her thoughts. He was still smirking, but there was something cold in his eyes. “Those men...they didn’t do anything  _ improper _ to you, did they?” 

Tohru’s blood ran cold. The room was too small, the walls were closing in on her, and all she could see were the sharp gazes of her family-

_ Thwack! _

The room fell silent as Grandpa pulled back his palm from his grandson’s cheek. Akinori pulled back, eyes widening. “G-Grandpa?” he stuttered. “What…?” 

“You really don’t know how to speak to people without belittling them,” Grandpa said, voice as light and unbothered as it always was. “Don’t mind them, Kyoko. They’re really just bad people, deep down.” 

“What?!”

“Grandpa!” 

“How dare-!”

“Hmm?” Grandpa seemed unbothered, smiling gently at Tohru. “They’re my dear family, Kyoko, and because of that I can endure their cruelty. But you...Katsuya always said you needed a place you could be free, and this house…” 

“ _ Dad _ ,” Aunt Mie spat, fists clenched at her side. “You aren’t in your right mind, you can’t just say things like that to your own family!” 

“Kyoko is our family, too,” Grandpa said simply. “Did your detective look into your ex or Kaoru? Me? Your cousins? My sister?”

“W-well, no,” Aunt Mie said through gritted teeth. “But no one in our family was raised by- by a delinquent!” 

Tohru looked down at her feet, throat growing thick. Mom  _ had _ been a delinquent, when she was younger than Tohru was now, but she’d also been the best mother anyone could have asked for. Her father’s family hadn’t stayed in touch after his death, but surely she wasn’t such a miserable creature that they could see how good and kind Kyoko had been? 

“Someone’s birth isn’t important,” Grandpa said. “Kyoko loves more fiercely than any of you; she has a good heart. This behavior of yours has been disappointing, Mie.” 

The room fell quiet as Aunt Mie stared angrily at Grandpa. Akinori still held onto his face where Grandpa had slapped him earlier, and Kaoru watched it all with wide, disbelieving eyes. 

“I-I-I’ll start dinner!” Tohru cried, breaking through the tense silence. “How does  _ nikujaga  _ sound? Great!” She hurried to the fridge to begin preparations before anyone could speak further. 

“That sounds lovely, Kyoko,” Grandpa called. “Thank you.” 

No one else spoke again after that, but Tohru heard several doors slam as she cooked. She didn’t dare venture out of the kitchen, too frightened to see who had left.

Neither Aunt Mie nor Akinori returned by dinnertime, but that didn’t seem to bother Grandpa. Even Kaoru shrugged at the empty seats and helped herself to Tohru’s cooking, complimenting it as soon as she took a bite. Tohru gave her a shaky smile, but the absence of her aunt and cousin worried her far more than their presence would have made her uncomfortable. She hoped that wherever they were, they were safe and well-fed. 

* * *

When the house had fallen still and silent, Tohru crept out of her room, careful not to wake Kaoru. She felt guilty, sneaking around her own family like this, but she couldn’t help but wonder just what made them think she’d been living with the Sohmas, of all people. She hadn’t even  _ spoken _ to Sohma or Kyo until after she moved in with Hana. Even if she was unhappy with Aunt Mie hiring a detective to look into her, Tohru needed to know if they’d been tricked or misled by someone with bad intentions. 

The papers were still on the coffee table where Aunt Mie had left them that afternoon. Tohru thumbed through them, barely able to comprehend most of what was written. She continued searching, spotting names like  _ Honda _ and  _ Sohma _ and  _ Hanajima _ littered throughout, until the texture of the paper changed, and Tohru realized she’d stumbled across several photographs. The first two showed her leaving school, chatting with Sohma. This was odd--she couldn’t remember a day she’d left school with Sohma instead of Hana or Uo--but perhaps she’d simply forgotten. Kyo appeared in the next photo, following behind them at a short distance with a scowl. Again, not something Tohru remembered happening, but not out of the realm of possibility. 

It was the next photo that took her breath away. Tohru’s memory had never been the best; she often spaced out during class and forgot important dates or math equations. Surely she could have forgotten a brief conversation with Sohma as they walked home in the same direction. Maybe she’d been preoccupied with work or school and hadn’t paid much attention. 

But this photo changed everything. Because there, plain to see, was a photo of Tohru walking the same forest path she’d taken every day after school or work to get back to her campsite. Except, instead of showing her alone, ducking off the paved path and into the woods, these photos showed her walking in between Yuki and Kyo Sohma, all three carrying bags of groceries. Sohma wore a soft expression she rarely saw, and Kyo glared in a way Tohru saw constantly, but it was her own laughing face that truly caught her off guard. When had she walked home with these Sohma boys? When had she ever been so comfortable in their presence? When had she gone to the store with them, or even  _ seen _ them outside of school? 

Because Tohru could not deny the girl in this photograph was her. This girl, with pink ribbons and a hand-me-down dress, was  _ undoubtedly  _ her, but the memories of this moment were...gone. Not faded, not vague, just  _ gone _ . 

Tohru’s heart sank deep into her stomach. What really happened during those weeks in the woods? And why couldn’t she remember? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted to tumblr:  
> [Chapter 1](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/619937048040751104/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 2](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620026924410011648/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 3](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620315245376946176/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 4](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623180933048287232/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of%22)  
> [Chapter 5](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623734283684708353/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)


	6. my cliff face is crumbling, silently tumbling, down to the water below

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama drama drama~

Yuki wasn’t sure what happened. One day he was hanging out normally with Tohru, playing card games and eating lunch, and the next she was scurrying away from him in the halls. Had he done something to offend her? Was he annoying her, spending so much time with her group of friends? Did he _smell_? 

Uotani and Hanajima noticed—of course they did, they’d been on high alert since the tent incident—but made no mention of it to Yuki. This, shockingly, did nothing to alleviate his worry. 

Before, they’d chat in the mornings before class, sit together to eat lunch, and then sometimes hang out after school, whether to walk home or to Tohru’s job or to a convenience store to get drinks. But now she made excuses to skip lunch, arrived to class late and left as soon as the bell rang. Yuki thought he was going to lose his mind as he obsessively thought of anything and everything he could have done to hurt her. 

This went on for a whole week before Uotani and Hanajima cornered Yuki by the lockers as he prepared to go home. 

“Have you noticed anything...off about Tohru lately?” Uotani asked, arms folded defensively across her chest. She reflexively looked over her shoulder as a few chattering girls passed. 

“Off?” Yuki asked. He dropped his shoes to the floor and pulled off one of his _uwabaki_ . “She _has_ been avoiding me, but I’m not sure what I did to offend her.” 

Uotani nodded. “At first I thought you just did something stupid and Tohru was being too nice to tell us about it, but now...she’s acting really shifty around us, too.” 

With a sigh, Yuki slipped on his shoes. “Have you tried talking to her about it?” 

“Yes,” Hanajima replied. “She denies anything is wrong. But she’s lying.” 

“Do you think…?” Yuki paused, unsure how to verbalize his thoughts delicately. 

Uotani, however, had no such qualms. “That she’s being mistreated by her family? Yeah.” 

“She doesn’t say much about her aunt and oldest cousin,” Hanajima said grimly, face not showing a hint of emotion. “She says very kind things about her grandpa, and sometimes her cousin, Kaoru. But the other two...I don’t trust them.” 

“Do you think they’re...hurting her?” Yuki asked, alarmed. His hands began to shake involuntarily, so he gripped tighter at his satchel.

“I don’t think so,” Uotani said with a sigh. “Not, like, physically. But Tohru’s too nice, I think they’re taking advantage of that. She’s so good at cooking and cleaning, those rat bastards probably think she _owes_ them and makes her do all the chores, even though she’s got school and work and stuff! Kids shouldn’t have to earn a place to live, you know? Not from their families.” 

“They shouldn’t,” Yuki said softly. “But _she_ may feel she has to.” 

Uotani huffed with dark laughter and shook her head. “You may not’ve known Tohru long, but you’re spot-on with that, _Prince_ . Fuck!” Uotani kicked one of the lockers, hands in her hair. “Should I just kidnap her? Force her to live with me n’ Pops and refuse to let her do _any_ chores _ever_?” 

“My parents would love to have her back with us,” Hanajima said simply. “They think it’s refreshing to have such a hardworking young person in the house. Megumi and I lack motivation.” 

Yuki couldn’t say it to them, but he knew of a household that desperately missed Tohru’s presence, a place where she’d had her own room and was free to be herself. She’d insisted on doing the cooking and the cleaning, but only because Shigure had convinced her not to pay rent. She hadn’t just been good for the Sohmas in that house; Yuki truly believed they’d been good for her, too. 

“Perhaps...we should have a word with her grandfather,” Yuki suggested. “Without Tohru present.” 

Uotani’s eyes lit up. “Oh, now _there’s_ an idea. You really _are_ more than just a pretty face.” 

Yuki huffed and gave Uotani an unimpressed look. She laughed and slapped his shoulder, far more aggressively than he anticipated. 

“You will be a valuable asset in the future,” Hanajima agreed. “Let’s discuss this further tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, yeah, we can figure out the details later.” Uotani waved at Yuki. “See ya later!” 

“Later…” Yuki parroted, feeling a little overwhelmed. Uotani and Hanajima were never _not_ overwhelming, but he felt he’d grown closer to them lately, so their loud personalities felt more amusing than grating. He could see what Tohru loved about them. 

Feeling lighter than he had all day, Yuki began his long walk home. Tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow...

* * *

Tohru was still avoiding him the next day. Uotani shot him a concerned grimace as Tohru made an excuse to not eat lunch with them that day, but Yuki wasn’t having it. As she scurried away from Hanajima, Yuki followed, rushing out of the classroom without a word. It was one thing to avoid _him_ , but for Tohru to avoid her two closest friends? Yuki was putting an end to it. 

“Honda, please!” He called as she turned a corner. “Wait up!” 

He could hear her footsteps grow faster, so he broke into a sprint. Tohru was many things, but fast was not one of them. 

Yuki caught up to her in the stairwell, halfway up to the third floor. He grabbed her hand, nearly tripping them both in the process, but he was willing to do anything to get Tohru to _stop_. 

“ _Please,”_ he panted, squeezing tightly at her hand. “Honda, please, whatever I did, I’m sorry. Please don’t avoid your friends because of me. _Please_.” 

“What?” Tohru’s voice was small and shaky. “I-I’m not avoiding anyone, I’m just- busy! I promise.” 

“Honda…” Yuki let go of her hand. “We’ve all noticed. Uotani and Hanajima are really worried about you. _I’m_ worried about you. So if I did something, please just tell me and I’ll go away, I won’t ever talk to you again-”

“No!” Tohru covered her mouth. “I mean...you didn’t do anything, Sohma. I...I can’t tell you what’s wrong. But it’s not something you did, I don’t think…” 

“You don’t...think…?” Yuki narrowed his eyes. “Honda, please, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“I-I...I have photos,” Tohru whispered, curling in on herself until her hair draped in front of her face, blocking her from Yuki’s view. “Photos of...us.” 

Yuki, for the life of him, could not recall taking a selfie with Tohru, nor were Hana and Uo the type to snap candids of their friends while hanging out. The only people who ever took his picture were the girls from the fan club…

His heart skipped a beat. “Is someone harassing you?” He asked, leaning in closer. “For...for being friends with me?”

“No! No, it’s not that,” Tohru scrambled, still hiding her face from him. “M-my aunt hired a private detective to follow me, before I moved in with them, and he- he took photos of me. Of us.” 

“They _what?_ ” Yuki’s frown deepened. “Your family doesn’t approve of...friends? Male friends? Is that it?”

“Sohma.” The seriousness of her tone made Yuki’s blood run cold. She looked up at him, eyes red and swollen, looking distraught. It was devastating. 

“Honda…” Yuki leaned back, realizing he’d encroached so far into her personal space, their noses had nearly touched. 

Tohru took a deep, shuddering breath and said, “I don’t remember it. Any of it. There are pictures of us walking home, going to the store...and Kyo is in them, too, and I don’t remember _ever_ seeing him outside school, but there are _pictures_ and- and I _know_ it’s me and you and him in the pictures but _how_? How could all these pictures exist? How could they exist and I don’t- I don’t remember...we weren’t even friends then, when I was living in the tent.” 

Emotions crashed like waves in Yuki’s chest, battering his ribs like ships upon rocks. He was relieved and horrified and distraught and elated all at once, heart clenching at the dark circles under Tohru’s eyes, the sickly pallor from all the nights she must have stayed awake thinking she’d gone mad. He wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to be able to take her hand and tell her nothing was wrong. But he couldn’t; Yuki refused to lie to her. 

“What if I told you…” he said slowly. “That people’s memories could be suppressed?” 

Tohru’s lips parted in a shocked _oh_. “Sohma, what do you mean?” 

“There are people in my family, who have studied the art of memory suppression,” he continued carefully. “It’s something they have to implement when...outsiders learn our secret.” 

“You’re not making any sense,” Tohru whispered, voice cracking with emotion. “What’s going on?” 

“Do you remember living in the tent, all those weeks? Do you remember anything from that time?” 

“Yes…” Tohru paused, teeth worrying at her bottom lip. “I remember...it was a little scary at first. There were bugs _everywhere_ and I could hear dogs howling at night. I had to shower and wash my clothes at school, too, but I wasn’t worried because I always had Mom with me. Except when- when…” She swallowed audibly, eyes roving back and forth as she dug further into her memory. “There was...a landslide. Mom- Mom was buried and I couldn’t get her out and then...then everything was okay. Did someone…? I remember...ornaments. I saw Zodiac ornaments set out to dry...at someone’s house? But there wasn’t a cat one, of course there wasn’t, but I was still sad.” She closed her eyes, head clutched in her hands. “There was a garden.” 

“A garden?” Yuki’s throat grew tight. “What was in the garden.” 

“Leeks,” Tohru responded, and then she laughed. “I don’t know why that’s funny, I’m sorry.” 

“It _is_ funny,” Yuki said gently. “Kyo hates them.” 

The corner of Tohru’s mouth quirked up. “Sohma...did I learn your family’s secret?” She asked in a hushed whisper. 

Yuki nodded, too relieved to speak. 

“And...my memories were erased,” she said. Yuki tried to nod again, but instead ducked his head low in shame. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he said, hot tears spilling over his cheeks. “I couldn’t stop it. I should’ve tried harder, but I could-couldn’t.” 

“It’s okay,” Tohru said, taking Yuki’s hand back in hers. “I know you wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t important.” 

Yuki shook with his tears, sobbing heavily as the relief and terror overcame him after weeks of balancing on a razor’s edge. She _knew_ . She didn’t remember, but she _knew_. 

“So, we were friends, then?” Tohru asked softly. “And then I forgot, and we became friends again?” 

“Y-yeah,” Yuki rasped. “You-you said...you asked me if we could still be friends, after you forgot. Th-that’s why I asked to eat lunch with you that day. I wanted us to be friends, like we had been.” 

“Thank you,” Tohru said, and her voice sounded almost as watery as his. “Thank you.” 

And then she did the one thing Yuki hoped for and feared. She threw her arms around him in a hug. For a brief, bright moment, Yuki relished the warmth of her close to him, the sweet scent of her shampoo, the absolute love that radiated from her like light from the sun.

But then he felt the tell-tale pull of transformation, thick smoke engulfed him, and he plummeted to the ground fast and hard. 

Tohru’s gasp was the last thing he heard before everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted to tumblr:  
> [Chapter 1](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/619937048040751104/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 2](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620026924410011648/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 3](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620315245376946176/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 4](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623180933048287232/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of%22)  
> [Chapter 5](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623734283684708353/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 6](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/625280947771850752/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)


	7. silently reaching for a hand to hold to warm the cold

“Rat? Rat!  _ Ohmygosh- _ ” 

If Tohru thought she’d lost her mind before, it was nothing compared to now, as she pulled back the folds of Sohma’s discarded uniform to find a small, gray rat where a boy once stood. Was this some sort of magic trick? Would Sohma appear behind her and pull a rabbit out of a hat? 

Pain pulsed behind Tohru’s eyes and a chill seeped through her veins to the tips of her fingers. In her mind’s eye she saw plumes of smoke, splintered wood, a hissing, orange cat..

“Well,” a voice said, small and soft. “That isn’t how I intended this to happen.” 

The rat was speaking with Yuki’s voice. 

The rat was  _ speaking _ . 

“ _ Sohma _ ?” Tohru breathed, leaning down close to look the rat in the eyes. It stood unnaturally on its hind legs, tiny paws clasped together in a patient posture. There was no way this was just a simple magic trick.

“Yes, it’s me,” Sohma said. “And now you know my family secret. Again.” 

“You- rat- how-?” Tohru grasped at her head, trying to make heads or tails of what Yuki was telling her. It was impossible, a thing of magic and fairy tales, and yet...it made sense. She couldn’t say why, but knowing that Yuki Sohma could transform into a rat just seemed right. 

“It’s complicated,” Yuki said simply. “I can explain better once I turn ba-”

He was interrupted by a loud  _ bang _ , and a plume of smoke filled the empty hallway. Tohru turned away to cough, choking on the thick scent of incense, and when she turned back, Yuki was upright and human again...and completely naked. 

“ _ Ah _ !” Tohru slapped both hands over her eyes before she could catch sight of anything inappropriate. “I’m sorry! I didn’t look!” 

Yuki chuckled softly, and Tohru heard the rustle of him slipping on his uniform. “It’s fine,” he said. “This isn’t the first time, after all.” 

Tohru’s cheeks grew hot. “I’m sorry about the other time, too!” 

“Honda,” he said. “You’ve apologized enough for a lifetime. It’s really okay.” 

She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself as Yuki finished getting dressed. “So...your secret...is that you’re...a rat?” 

Yuki chuckled. “You can turn around now. And yes, sort of. It’s a...family curse. There are others specifically affected. You met a few others, when you found out the first time.” He paused, and looked down at his crooked tie. “Ah, it’s hard without a mirror.” 

“Here, let me,” Tohru said, but she paused before touching the tie. “Will that...what causes  _ it _ ?” 

“A hug,” Yuki said solemnly. “So, you’re safe.” 

“A hug,” Tohru repeated, hands working mechanically as she straightened out the tie. “How odd.” 

“Isn’t it?” Yuki said wryly. “I can tell you about it more later, about the curse and everything that happened to you. I wasn’t sure if you should know, since you’ve paid the price once already.” 

“My memories?” 

“Yes,” Yuki murmured. “But it could be worse. The head of the family...he’s…” 

“We’ll keep it a secret, then,” Tohru said hurriedly. “No one needs to know that I know, right?” 

Relief washed over Yuki’s face. “Right.” 

“But maybe...maybe we could tell Hana and Uo,” Tohru continued nervously. “And Megumi. He knows so much about curses, and if this- if this is a curse you don’t want, maybe we could find a way to help!” 

“I’d like that, but....can we...can we not tell Hanajima and Uotani yet?” Yuki asked, playing with the hem of his shirt. “It’s...it’s something I think we should talk about more before trying to explain to them.”

“Of course,” Tohru said quickly, nodding her head so aggressively it began to hurt. “Don’t push yourself to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

“Thank you,” Yuki said, and he reached out to squeeze her hand. “Can I walk you home after school today?” 

“S-Sure!” Tohru replied. A warning bell rang, and she gestured down the hall. “We better get back to class.” 

They quickly returned to the classroom, much to the ire of some of the fan club girls. Hana and Uo waved at them, and Uo smiled mischievously. 

“Hey, you guys kiss and make up?” She teased as they entered the classroom together. Tohru squeaked in surprise, but Yuki nodded. 

“We’ve cleared things up,” he said, and Tohru realized just how much everyone had been worried about her. Class started before she could say anything, but Tohru felt so grateful to have these friends in her life. 

* * *

They walked home in silence. The weight of the truth hung heavy between them, but neither knew how to bring it up. It was an inconceivable idea, this Sohma curse, and to explain it to an outsider without Shigure or even Kyo was a daunting task. 

Though the walk was a little awkward, it was over quickly, and they now found themselves standing outside the Honda household. 

“Would you like to come inside for some tea?” Tohru asked, smiling up at Yuki. 

“I would love to,” he said after a pause, and Tohru felt her grin widened. She pulled him by the sleeve up the steps and through the front door. 

They paused in the  _ genkan _ to slip off their shoes, and Tohru called a soft, “I’m home!” There was no response, so she just shrugged. “Aunt Mie is at work and my cousins must be out, but I’m not sure where Grandpa is…” 

“The house is very nice,” Yuki said, sounding a bit awkward. Tohru could understand, when there was such a gargantuan elephant in the room. 

“Grandpa had it all remodeled before Aunt Mie’s family moved in,” Tohru said, drifting into the kitchen to start the water for tea. “Hana brought over some  _ odango _ from her grandmother—would you like some?” 

“Just tea is fine,” Yuki said, settling at the table. “ _ Oh _ .” 

Tohru poked her head back into the room at Yuki’s small gasp. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized he had caught sight of the altar. It housed several photos, for Grandma and her great great uncle and Mama and-

“Is this your father?” Yuki asked, eyes focused on the portrait of Katsuya Honda. He seemed so young in the photograph, barely older than Tohru herself. “You had a photo of your mother with you, when you lived with us, but I never saw your father. You have his smile.” 

Tohru started. She’d been compared to her mother her whole life; father was nothing more than an afterthought, a stranger, even in his family’s home. “R-really?” 

“Yeah,” Yuki breathed, and he bowed his head in prayer before the altar. Tohru left him there to prepare the tea, her mind still whirling with too many thoughts. She took a deep breath and poured water into the teapot, letting it steep as she collected cups and the dango, before carrying it all out to the table. 

“You said...before,” Yuki said, accepting the proffered cup. “You said your father died of pneumonia .” 

“Did I?” Tohru was surprised she’d told anyone about her father, especially a boy she’d only known a few months. 

“Yes,” Yuki said. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, really,” Tohru said, pouring the tea for both of them. “I was so little, I don’t really remember it.” 

“That’s still…” Yuki trailed off. “What was he like?” 

Tohru frowned. “Mom said he was really kind and serious, but a little spacey. He spoke formally, like I do, which I think is really the only thing I got from him. I’m pretty much the spitting image of my mom.” 

Yuki quirked an eyebrow. “Kind and spacey? Sounds like you inherited more than you think.” 

Tohru’s cheeks grew warm and she laughed. “I don’t really remember him, but I know he loved me and Mom.” 

“That’s important,” Yuki said softly. “Not all parents do.” 

Tohru’s heart clenched, but before she could respond the front door opened and Aunt Mie’s voice carried down the hall, “I’m home!” 

“Welcome home!” Tohru called back. Mie walked into the room, still dressed in her work clothes, and froze, eyes trained solely on Yuki. 

“This is the boy, from the photos,” she said, shoulders tensing as she caught sight of Yuki. “The one you lived with.” 

Tohru sputtered, but Yuki did not miss a beat. He stood swiftly and crossed the room to bow to Aunt Mie. “My name is Yuki Sohma, I’m a friend of Tohru’s from school. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

Aunt Mie opened and closed her mouth several times, but no sound came out. “Y-You- You’re her friend?” Was all that she could manage. 

Yuki’s pleasant expression did not change, but Tohru felt a chill fall over the room. “I am,” he said. “I am incredibly lucky to know Honda, and for her to deign to be my friend. As I’m sure you know, she’s a good, kind, hard-working person. You must feel so blessed to have her in your family.” 

Tohru had never seen Aunt Mie’s face grow so red, but she could not tell if it was from anger or embarrassment. She knew  _ her _ face must be brighter than a strawberry at Yuki’s kind words. “May I offer you some tea, Aunt Mie?” She asked, hopping up to grab a new cup. Mie waved her away, not taking her eyes off Yuki. 

“That won’t be necessary, Tohru,” she said stiffly. “But have you made preparations for dinner?” 

“Yes!” Tohru clapped her hands together; she’d gotten a cookbook from the library and very excited to try out some new recipes. “I did the grocery shopping yesterday.” 

Mie nodded curtly. “And the laundry I asked you to do?” 

“I took it off the line last night, before bed,” Tohru answered, sitting back down at the table. “And put it away in the linens drawer.”

“And the dusting-?” 

“Is Tohru the only person here who does housework?” 

Yuki’s tone had gone decidedly icy, though he still maintained an expression of polite neutrality. Tohru shivered, despite feeling warm from the tea. 

“Excuse me?” Aunt Mie asked, eyes going wide. 

“I was just wondering if Tohru is the only person in this entire household who’s assigned housework,” Yuki elaborated, stepping closer to Mie. 

“W-well, I’m at work all day,” Mie snapped. “And Dad is too frail. So, of course it falls to Tohru.” 

“And your children?” Yuki tilted his head to the side. 

“They’re students! It’s important for them to focus on schoolwork, plus Kaoru has her part time job-”

“So does Honda,” Yuki said, expression darkening. “Is her schoolwork unimportant?” 

Mie blanched. “She’s not going to college, does it really matter?” 

“Graduating high school is  _ very _ important to Honda,” Yuki growled. “So is doing well at her job. I guess I’m just a bit concerned you’re overworking her. We wouldn’t want her to fall ill, would we? Health is so important.” 

Tohru gasped quietly as she saw Yuki’s eyes flicker to the altar, then back to Aunt Mie. Mie glared at Yuki, but said nothing as she left the room. As soon as they heard her bedroom door slam, Yuki let out a long sigh. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I went over the line there, I shouldn’t have said those things. Will this get you in trouble?”

Tohru’s heart warmed. He’d just stood up for her, and now he was worried she’d be in trouble for it. Yuki Sohma was a sweet boy, deep down. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “Aunt Mie doesn’t yell at me. I don’t think she likes me very much, so we don’t...interact a lot.” 

Yuki nodded. “If she tries anything, just call me, okay? You don’t have to stay here, you can always come with me or stay with Hanajima or Uotani.” 

Tohru smiled, and grabbed a stick of dango for herself. “I’ll be fine, Sohma,” she said, taking a bite. “But...thank you.” 

Yuki smiled—a real, genuine smile—and Tohru’s heart melted completely. He was so serious at school, so composed and quiet. But with her and her friends, he laughed and scowled and  _ smiled _ . 

They were friends. They’d been friends before, and Tohru’s memories had been taken, and they were friends again now. And for the first time since meeting Uo and Hana, Tohru knew this was the sort of friendship that wouldn’t disappear so easily. She and Yuki were connected, no matter what that meant for his curse or her family, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted to tumblr:  
> [Chapter 1](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/619937048040751104/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 2](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620026924410011648/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 3](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/620315245376946176/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 4](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623180933048287232/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of%22)  
> [Chapter 5](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/623734283684708353/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 6](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/625280947771850752/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)  
> [Chapter 7](https://alphacrone.tumblr.com/post/626472808857419776/for-its-better-to-burn-out-than-to-fade-out-of)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m on tumblr at alphacrone.


End file.
